"Go to Bed, Now!" My Wife's Secret Method For Getting the Kids to Bed
Coming home to a warm hearth and home after a day of work is one of Dad's favorite parts of the day. After hours of irate client phone calls, financial balance sheets, monotonous factory work or even for work-at-home dads, coming home to a warm dinner, warm home and warm hugs from his loved ones is one of the very reasons we go to work.
Coming home at 9:30 one night, I was expecting to hear a "welcome home, honey!" from my wife, or, since we live in Japan, the Japanese greeting, "okaerinasai!" (Welcome home). What I heard from Emiko instead was a groan of disappointment and frustration. Was my coming home so terrible?
As is always the case, she had her reasons: the kids had just about drifted off to sleep when they heard my key in the front door lock. Eyes were re-opened, the "Daddy's home!" festival began.
Now far be it from me to refuse an invitation to wrestle with my 3 and 5 year old. Getting smothered with kisses from the 3 year old princess is one of the highlights of my day...however, the wrestling and kissing escalated to screaming and singing, jumping and dancing. At close to 11:00, it was getting late. And tomorrow was a preschool day.
After a few of these nights, we parents realized we had to make some changes.
Emiko at first suggested I just come home later, say 11:00, when the kids were asleep. "Just a minute," I replied, "I want to come home and see my kids!"
Finally, in a moment of genius, Emiko drew up a chart and posted it on the wall. It was full of fun drawings of our kids doing the behaviors that we all agree we should be aiming for. Getting up by 7:00. Eating breakfast, changing clothes, getting to preschool by 9:00. In the afternoon, helping mom, taking a bath, eating dinner with nice manners, brushing teeth, to bed by 9:00. You get the idea.
So for each activity, under each child's name, they can, if they accomplish their task, get a sticker. That's it. Just a little colorful "dot" next to each activity. The child decides by themself if they will reward themselves a sticker. Get ten in a day and you get a BIG sticker for that day.
Not high-tech, at all. But it's posted on the wall, and best of all, it works. When you make yours, get the kids to input some of the activities and behaviors they should shoot for. Giving them a voice in how they are disciplined helps them "buy in" and feel ownership and responsibility for their own behavior. Make it colorful, and fun, a game with no losers. I think you'll be amazed by the changes in motivation you'll see.
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