Sharing the Family Bed

One hugely controversial topic in the parenting realm is the idea of family bed sharing. Is it a means to forming strong family bonds or a way to ensure that kids will never sleep in their own beds without a struggle?

In our house, the rule of thumb is that once the kids are weaned to a bottle, they are expected to sleep in their own rooms. The parent's bed is only for the parents. This, in part, is due to the fact that my husband has serious back problems and cannot bear to sleep in compromising positions. We also share the belief that our bed is the place where we can strengthen marital bonds and should not have to move kids into their own beds, in the middle of the night, to do so. I could not imagine how non existent our sex life would be if we allowed our kids to make themselves at home in our bed.

It has been shown that kids who sleep in a family bed have trouble self soothing. Newborns who share a bed with their parents are at a greater risk of SIDS. Kids also experience a lack of REM sleep. The same can be said for their parents. Also, what happens when these kids get older and sleep over at a friend's house?

I'm pretty sure that the parents of Jr's playmate will not be too thrilled when they get a 3 o'clock visit from him, requesting to share the bed space. It just seems like the positive aspect of bonding is far outweighed by the negative aspects. Maybe the answer is to spend more day light hours bonding, in order to get some spousal bonding at night. Then again, some people do not mind the lack of alone time. It really is an individual preference matter.

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